Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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