i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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