There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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