so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
