This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
