Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
please come you make the beer taste better
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
