I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
