I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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