I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
