he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
