i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
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So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
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I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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