the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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