I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
