whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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