Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
