I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
