Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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