Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
