I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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