Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
