i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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