Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
