i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
