You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
