So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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