Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
