if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
