They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
