OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
