alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
where are you?
Hypothermia
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seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
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When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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