my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
