can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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