I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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