I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
