watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
