why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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