You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
