So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
