I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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