Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
