I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
