Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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