you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
