Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
