There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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