Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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