She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
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its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
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I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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