OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
