some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
