is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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