Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
