We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
