So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I skipped work to stalk him.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
