sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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