I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
