He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
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Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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