you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
