Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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