can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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