These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
