They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
