We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
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this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
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You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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