I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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