Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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