it's too hot outside to masturbate.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize