I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
